omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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