Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
