Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
