How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
