need another drink. this is the easiest way
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
