i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
