I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
