What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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