They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
why do cheetos always look like penises
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
