yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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