He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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