I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
wow bdsm is so cute
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
