So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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