At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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