he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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