I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize