i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
