yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sext me about skeletons
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
