im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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