I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
