It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
