She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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