I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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