I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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