Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
