I don't usually arrange sex via text message
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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