I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
