pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
