you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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