I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
