the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
