Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So apparently I’m into choking now
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