i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
