can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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