Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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