I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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