from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
