I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
