Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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