having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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