If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
