who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
