Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
why do cheetos always look like penises
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
