This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
