i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
why do cheetos always look like penises
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
