apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize