Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
