Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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