I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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