Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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