He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
