whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
