She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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