So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
