I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
