Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
