See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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