Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
