My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't deserve a penis
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
