i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize