I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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