i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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