i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize