You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
