He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Please don't give away my fajitas
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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