Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize