he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
