After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
